Gujarati Jokes & Comedy Fun:DeshGujarat Link Farm
Happy and Sad Stories ,
Circus, Hospital Visit, Bullock’s Justice, Kokne Kapva Padshe, Sherimaa Makaan, Vanechand nu Fuleku, Vanechandnu Fuleku - Part.2, Circus
Shahbuddin Rathod’s Hasya no Muqablo(Video)
Shahbuddin Rathod’s Ahmedabad Show(Video)
Ramesh Mehta, His lover and her father(Video),Ramesh Mehta’s three scenes(Video), Ramesh Mehta’s idea(Video), Ramesh Mehta Live on Mike(Video), Ramesh Mehta’s Sasu(Audio), Ramesh Mehta’s Suicide Attempt(Audio Video), Ramesh Mehta’s Chundadi(Audio Video), Ramesh Mehta’s marriage life & his father(Videos),Ramesh Mehta’s Comedy Film Song(Videos), Ramesh Mehta’s Trap(Videos), Ramesh Mehta’s ‘Be Vaat’(Videos), Ramesh Mehta on Target(Videos), Ramesh Mehta Live at Karnavati Club(Videos)
Bhikhubhai Gadhvi Jokes in 8 Parts
Bhikhubhai Gadhvi Jokes: Dayro & Jokes, Live performance, Jabaro Jamanvar
Bholaram’s Jokes - 1, Bholaram’s Jokes - 2
Hasyanu Vasant, Pardeshi Vasant, Dhiru
Vasant Paresh Jokes 6 Minutes(Video)
Vinu Charlie’s Jokes: Hasya No Lavaras - Part 1, Hasya No Lavaras - Part 2
Bachubhai’s Jokes: Bachubhai -1
Hasya no humlo -1, Hasya no humlo -2,
Dhirubhai Sarvaiya’s Jokes: Dhiru na dhubaka, Dhiru ni dhamal, Dhirubhai Sarvaiya volume-1, Jokes no joker, Lagan na ladva, Jadba tod jalsa, Live show volume 1, Live show volume 2, Rangilo Dhiru & Dayaro,Dhirubhai Sarvaiya’s Jokes:Lagan na ladva(Video)
Jagdish Trivedi’s Laughter Show after he won an award(Videos)
Mahesh Shastri’s Jokes: Mojilo Mahesh
Mayabhai Ahir’s Dayro with Jokes
Ramnik Dhudharejiya: Hasya Sagar
Sairam (Prashant Dave):Chaman banega karod pati, Sairam Sixer, Vandha no varghodo
Lagn(Video), vaandho(Video), Vaandho-2(Video), Bomb(Video), Podalo(Video), Sairam Daveno Sutali Bomb(Video), Dampati Na Dekara(Audio) 1, Dampati Na Dekara(Audio) 2, Dampati Na Dekara(Audio) 3, Sairam Nu Hai Ram(Audio) 1, Sairam Nu Hai Ram(Audio) 2, Sairam Nu Hai Ram(Audio) 3, Sairam Nu Hai Ram(Audio) 4, Sairam Nu Hai Ram(Audio) 5, Sairam Nu Hai Ram(Audio) 6
Shyam Lathiya’s Jokes:Volume 1
Jadelo Jitu, Sadelo Jitu, Nadelo Jitu, Jitu Jokham
Jitubhai Dwarkavala’s Jokes(Video)
Devang Patel’s Traffic Jam(90s famous Gujarati Mp3)
Devang Patel’s Jalsa Kar(90s famous Gujarati Mp3)
Ubho Tha(Gujarati Mp3 & Video)
Ramesh Mehta & his father(Gujarati Video)
He Muva Chhetarine Laayo:Ramesh Mehta’s Song(Gujarati Video)
Bali Brahmbhatt’s Patel Rap(Gujarati Video)
DeshGujarat.Com’s Pintu Galudiyu(Gujarati Talk Mp3)
September 5th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Can u plz upload videos / Audio of Mr Dinkar Mehta .. A stand-up comedian artist from Ahmedabad ..
September 5th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Gujrati Special
Q) Why won’t the gujju jeweler sell anything to the UP walla?
A) The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for KESH.
Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race? (in case of one)
A) Tomato KETCHUP.
Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome ?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music!.
Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see the BIG BEHN.
Q) What did the Gujju mean when he said, “Raahul no dikro STATES ma gayon” ?
A) Ramesh’s son failed in statistics…
Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams ?
A) He wanted to get “cent-par-cent” .
Q) What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A) You are going from BED To VERSE.
Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?
A) They named it Rho Beta Rho.
Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch “GANDHI”?
A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits.
Q) Why did the gujju think Gandhi was acted by a woman in “GANDHI”?
A) They read Ben( behn) Kingsley did the acting.
These jokes have been compiled from internet.
September 5th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Please add this link too. It has a pdf file of Gujrati jokes.
http://geocities.com/newpustakalay/ramuj1.pdf
September 5th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Rich Gujarati in New York !
A Gujarati named Ramjibahi lived in New York city. Once he went to a bank to request a loan of $5000 as he was about to leave for a business trip to Europe. The bank agreed for the loan but asked for a guarantee. The Gujarati immediately handed the bank manager the keys to his brand new rolls royce that was parked downstairs.
The bank people agreed and parked the rolls royce in their parking lot. The Gujarati took the $5000 and went to Europe. He returned after a week. The bank asked him $12.50 interest on the loan. The Gujarati payed the amount and the interest and was about to leave before the bank manager stopped him for a minute.
The manager told the Gujarati that he was pleased to do business with the Gujarati but he also told that,
’sir,we checked your accounts and we came to know that you are a millionaire,then why did you borrow just $5000 from us?’ the Gujarati replied,’ it’s not the $5000 that matter ,
what matters is that I couldn’t have found a parking for my car in $12.50 for 1 week.’
September 5th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Deafness!!
Kanjibhai is talking to the family doctor.
“Doc, I think my wife Rupaben going deaf.”
The doctor answers, “Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is.”
Kanjibhai goes home and tries it out.
He walks in the door and says, “Muna ni Ba , what’s for dinner?”
He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. “Eh are you listening , what’s for dinner?”
Still no answer.
He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, his wife, Rupaben answers, “For the eleventh time, I said we’re having THEPLA!”
Breaking a Mirror..
Kanjibhai and Ramjibhai were getting ready for the company awards dinner for the best salesman.
Kanjibhai was in the running to win an award that evening and wanted to make sure he looked his best when he claimed his prize.
He felt his luck was with him and was sure to win.
He stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie but the mirror was crooked, so he reached over to straighten it out and it came crashing down on the floor.
“Oh no,” said Kanjibhai. “Now I am going to have seven years bad luck.”
“Nonsense,” said Ramjibhai. My uncle once broke a mirror and he didn’t have seven years bad luck.”
“Really?” said Kanjibhai, feeling much better knowing that.
“Yeah really,” said Ramjibhai. “He died that day.”
The Free Ride!
Ramjibhai was downtown with his wife and four little children when he decided to take a Rickshaw home.
Approaching a Rickshaw driver, he demanded, “How much will you charge to drive us to the Ghatkopar ?”
“I figure Rupees 2/- a piece for you and your wife,” said the driver, “I’ll take the four kids along for nothing.”
Ramjibhai turned to his children and said, “Jump in kids, and have a nice ride home. Your Ba (mother) and I will take the train.”
September 5th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Understand Your Gujju Friend - When they say: They mean:Even if you know a smattering of gujarati you will enjoy these.
Q: How do Gujju’s pronounce the word ‘fatigue’?
A: Faa-tee-gee-u!
Q: What do you call a Gujju with no knees?
A: Knee-less (Nilesh)
Q: What do you call an impotent Gujju?
A: Kamlesh (cum less)
Q: What did a Gujju say when a raw mango fell on doctor’s head.
A: Carry (Keri) on Doctor.
Q: Why did Bill Clinton have the Gujju beaten up?
A: The Gujju told Clinton: “You are a very IMPOTENT (important) man”
Q: Why won’t the Gujju jeweler sell anything to the UP bhaiya?
A: The bhayiya kept giving Gujju a bunch of hair each time the Gujju asked for kesh (cash).
Q: What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
A: Tomato ketchup (catch-up).
Q: Why did the Gujju go to Rome ?
A: He wanted to listen to Pope (pop) music.
Q: Why did Gujju touch Pope’s feet ?
A: To feel the Pope corn (pop-corn).
Q: What did the Gujju mean when he said, “Ramesh no dikro States ma gayo?
A: Ramesh’s son failed in statistics.
Q: Why was the Gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams?
A: He wanted to get “cent-par-cent” .
Q: What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A: Light snakes (snacks) for breakfast.
Q: What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A: You are going from bed (bad) to verse (worse).
Q: A Gujju started putting two locks on his door after seeing this Hindi movie.
A: “Lok Parlok”
Q: Why did the Gujju think Gandhi’s role was enacted by a woman in the film “Gandhi”?
A: He thought Ben Kingsley a woman.
September 7th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
http://www.youtube.com/user/deebuds
This link will take you to the page where selected audio jokes of VASANT PARESH are there. Though it is youtube site they are NOT VIDEO but AUDIO.
September 10th, 2007 at 5:37 am
Please add this to the list:
Ashok Dave’s Budhvar ni Bapore articles recent links(All of Year 2007)
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070829/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070822/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070815/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070808/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070801/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070725/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070718/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070718/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070711/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070704/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070627/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070620/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070613/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070606/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070530/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070523/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070516/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070509/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070502/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070425/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070418/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070411/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070404/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070328/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070321/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070314/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070307/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070228/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070221/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070214/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070207/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070131/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070124/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070117/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070110/guj/supplement/bapor.html
http://www.gujaratsamachar.com/gsa/20070103/guj/supplement/bapor.html
September 18th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
hi,
How can i download any of this.
thanks.
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:26 am
great videos I as a drummer in california can tell lot of jokes
November 13th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
erftegfcgf
November 30th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
Hi
How can I download Vasant Paresh Jokes from website
Thankyou.
February 26th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart
transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his
blood in case need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of
blood, it couldn’t be found locally. So the call went out to the neighbouring states.
Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. The
Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery,
the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a
new BMW 540iL, diamonds, lapis lazuli jewellery, and half a million US dollars.
Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His
doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a box of almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati’s kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him “This time also I thought
that u would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery. But u gave only a card and a box of almond sweets.
To this the Arab replied “Can’t help it, Bapu….. Now I have Gujju
blood in my veins!!
March 28th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
great videos I as a drummer in california can tell lot of jokes
Mayur Pandya (comp)02674 245398
mo 99748 92930,98982 22040
April 13th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Gujarati Related Jokes
**********
Bill Gates and the Gujarati
——————————
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try’
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’ So he stays.
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ‘I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?’ So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?’ So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.’ Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says `kem chho’ The other candidate answers ‘ek dam majama..’
*****
Questions & Answers
————————
Q :- Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
A :- Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
Q :- Why won’t the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A :- The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for ‘Kesh’
Q :- What did the Gujju mean when he said, “Ramesh no dikro States ma gayon” ?
A :- Ramesh’s son failed in statistics…
Q) Why did Bill Clinton have the gujju beaten?
A) The gujju told Clinton “You are an IMPOTENT man”
Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
A) Tomato KETCHUP.
Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.
Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see BIG BEHN.
Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams?
A) He wanted to get “cent-per-cent” .
Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.
Q) What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A) You are going from BED To VERSE.
Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?
A) They named it Rho Beta Rho.
Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch “GANDHI”?
A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits.
Q) What is a Gujju picnic koled?
A) A snake in the grass
Q) Why did the Gujju wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A) If he was going to become impotent, he wanted to look impotent.
Q) Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
A) Because he said ‘Sue kare chhe.’
Q) Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
A) My son drowned.
*****
Gujaratis’ Cell Phones
————
Once 4 Gujaratis wives met at a party talking about their husband’s new cellular phones….
First Gujarati wife says to others… “Maro pati ne pass mota laura (motorola) che!….
Second Gujarati wife replies..”Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga? errection (ERICSSON) chahiye!….
So the third Gujarati wife steps up & says…”aree mota laura bhi thick hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen (Seimens) nahi to kya fayda?…
And then the fourth said..”Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na kiya (Nokia) tho kya fayda??….
*******
The Ventriloquist
————————
A Marwadi guy and a Gujarati guy went out to a very expensive restaurant for dinner one night.
Finally, the waiter came over and asked,
“Who should I give the check to?”
The Marwadi guy said,
“Give it to me. I’ll take care of everything.”
“Fine,” said the waiter.
The next day the headlines read: ‘Gujrarati Ventriloquist Strangled to Death’
*********
The Train
————
Mister Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra after taking a trip of South India.
Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train.
When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn’t understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son’s berth.
Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help.
TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.
So Mr. Nene explained, “That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child.”
*********
Ear Drops
————
A Gujarati woman took her baby to a doctor, who determined right away that the baby had an earache.
He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote,
“Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.
The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough,
the pharmacist,had typed the following instructions on the label:
“Put two drops in R ear every four hours.
***********
Business is Business
————————–
A young Gujju boy starts attending public school in a small town.
The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student.
She asks the class, “Who was the greatest man that ever lived?”
A girl raises her hand and says,
“I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country.”
The teacher replies, “Well…that’s a good answer, but that’s not the answer I am looking for.”
Another young student raises his hand and says,
“I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the civil war.”
“Well, that’s another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for.”
Then the Gujju boy raises his hand and says, “I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived.”
The teacher’s mouth drops open in astonishment. “Yes!”, she says, that’s the answer I was looking for.”
She then brings him up to the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop.
Later, during recess, another desi boy approaches him as he is licking his lollipop.
He says, “Why did you say, ‘Jesus Christ’?”
The Gujju boy stops licking his lollipop and replies,
“Look, I know it’s Krishna, and YOU know it’s Krishna, but business is business.”
*******
The Ransom
—————-
A Gujarati bhai spent the night in his secretary’s apartment.
He woke up at three in the morning.
“My God!” he shouted, “My wife is going to kill me!”
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife.
“Muna ni ba “, he began, “Don’t pay the ransom. I escaped!”
*********
The Accident
—————-
There was once a Gujarati living in USA called Raju Patel, who was involved in a car accident.
At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him.
“I’m very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash.”
“Car crash! My Porsche! Is my car all right?” he asked hysterically.
“Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries - you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it,” she said apologetically.
“I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex!”
“Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries.
You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you.”
He asked for his family to be called in.
As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. “Shilpa, are you here?”
“I am here husband, and I will never leave you.”
“Dilip, are you here?”
“I am here father, and I will never leave you.”
“Anil, are you here?”
“I am here father, and I will never leave you.”
“Priya, my child, are you here?”
“I am here father, and I will never leave you.”
“Well,” said Raju thoughtfully, “if Shilpa, Dilip, Anil and Priya are here….. WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP?
********
The Gujarati and Free Ride
——————————
Ramjibhai was downtown with his wife and four little children when he decided to take a Rickshaw home.
Approaching a Rickshaw driver, he demanded, “How much will you charge to drive us to the Ghatkopar ?”
“I figure Rupees 2/- apiece for you and your wife,” said the driver.
“I’ll take the four kids along for nothing.”
Ramjibhai turned to his children and said, “Jump in kids, and have a nice ride home.
Your Ba and I will take the train.”
*****
Gujarati Translations
————————
Pasadi………………………Prashad
Sufuria…………………….Saucepan
Sano…………………………Snow
Tikert………………………Ticket
Egg-joss……………………Exhaust
Fota………………………….Photos
Lipti…………………………Lipstick
Phast………………………..Fast
Pholowur…………………Flower
Gilas…………………………Glass
Palty…………………………Party
Gorment…………………..Goverment
Peeja…………………………Pizza
Peejot……………………….Peugeot
Fhanta………………………Fanta
Punch……………………….Sponge
Booth………………………..Car Boot
Kittli…………………………Kettle
Boota…………………………Boots(shoes)
Winda………………………..Windows
Winbly……………………….Wembley
Die Vos………………………Divorce
New Brand…………………Brand New
Jung……………………………Young
Caffol…………………………Scaffold
Istill……………………………Steel
Bowel………………………….Bowl
Indian Electrician………..Ashok
Jee TV…………………………Zee TV
Isschool……………………….School
Juniversity…………………..University
Istawbury…………………….Strawberry
Isscooter………………………Scooter
Isgrew Driver………………Screwdriver
Kale………………..Tomorrow and Yesterday
Beetish…………………………British
Bilu……………………………..Blue
Phen…………………………….Fan
Amrica…………………………America
Viza……………………………..Visa
Philam…………………………Film
Borras………………………….Brush
Gero…………………………….Zero
Apormant…………………….Appointment
Hispotal……………………….Hospital
Revind…………………………Reverse
Music Down Cur…………Turn Down the Music
*******
Gujarati RSVP
——————
Kanjibhai was preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.
Kanjibhai was not very good at English so he asked the printer to help him.
After the printer had presented Kanjibhai with a draft , Kanjibhai quickly pointed out that the ” RSVP ” was missing .
The printer was surprised by Kanjibhai’s knowledge and asked him if Kanjibhai knew what it meant.
Kanjibhai started to think and after much thought he replied :
“Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means “Remember, Send Vedding Present!”
**********
The Outhouse
——————
Once there was a little boy called Rohit who lived in the country.
They had to use an outhouse, and Rohit hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time.
The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the river.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so Rohit decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the river.
So he got a large stick and started pushing.
Finally, the outhouse toppled into the river and floated away.
That night his dad Kanjibhai told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.
Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.
Kanjibhai replied, “someone pushed the outhouse into the river today. It was you, wasn’t it, son?”
Rohit answered yes.
Then he thought a moment and said,
“Dad, I read in school today that Gandhiji chopped down a Pipal tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”
The dad replied, “well, son, Gandhiji’s father wasn’t in that Pipal tree!”
*******
The Broken Mirror
———————
Kanjibhai and Ramjibhai were getting ready for the company awards dinner for the best salesman.
Kanjibhai was in the running to win an award that evening and wanted to make sure he looked his best when he claimed his prize.
He felt his luck was with him and was sure to win.
He stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie but the mirror was crooked, so he reached over to straighten it out and it came crashing down on the floor.
“Oh no,” said Kanjibhai. “Now I am going to have seven years bad luck.”
“Nonsense,” said Ramjibhai. My uncle once broke a mirror and he didn’t have seven years bad luck.”
“Really?” said Kanjibhai, feeling much better knowing that.
“Yeah really,” said Ramjibhai. “He died that day.”
*********
The Flight
————-
The passengers were leaving the Air India plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied Kanjibhai paused to congratulate the flight attendant.
“Stewardess,” Kanjibhai said happily, “I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time.
It’s not often that an airline gets to where it’s going exactly when they claim it will.
I’m going to call your Air India home office and let them know how pleased I am.”
“Why, thank you, sir,” the flight attendant answered,
“but I think you should know–this is yesterday’s flight.”
********
The Deaf Gujarati
——————–
Kanjibhai is talking to the family doctor.
“Doc, I think my wife Rupaben going deaf.”
The doctor answers, “Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again.
Keep repeating this until she answers.
Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is.”
Kanjibhai goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says,
“Muna ni Ba , what’s for dinner?”
He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
“Eh are you listening , what’s for dinner?”
Still no answer.
He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, Rupaben answers,
“For the eleventh time, I said we’re having THEPLA!”
April 13th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
અફલાતૂન વ્યાકરણ
વ્યાકરણના પિરિયડમાં સ્મિતા મેડમ બાળકોને ક્રિયાપદના કાળ શીખવી રહ્યાં હતાં. એમણે કનુને પૂછ્યું : ‘‘હું સુંદર છું. એ કયો કાળ કહેવાય.’’ કનુ -મેડમ ! એ ભૂતકાળ કહેવાય.
માય ટીચર
શિક્ષક : દરેક વિધાર્થી ‘‘માય ટીચર’’ વિશે અંગ્રેજીમાં નિબંધ લખી લાવો. શબ્દો ન જડે તો મને ઉંઘમાંથી પણ ઊઠાડીને પૂછજૉ. તોફાની બારકસ ટીનુએ પૂછ્યું : સર ! ઉલ્લુ માટે અંગ્રેજીમાં કયો શબ્દ છે ?’
કોણ મૂરખ ?
શિક્ષક : કેટલાક મૂરખા લોકો એવા સવાલ પૂછતા હોય કે ડાહ્યા લોકો પણ એનો જવાબ આપી શકતા નથી. ટીનુ : સર ! એટલા માટે જ અમે તમારા સવાલના જવાબ આપી શકતા નથી.
શેરને માથે સવા શેર
મેડમ : મુન્ની ! તને ખબર છે કે ઇંદિરા ગાંધી જયારે તારા જેવડાં હતા ત્યારે વર્ગમાં મોનીટર હતાં ? મુન્ની : જી મેડમ ! મને ખબર છે અને મને એ પણ ખબર છે કે તેઓ જયારે તમારા જેટલા હતા ત્યારે ભારતના વડાપ્રધાન હતા.
ઊંધું ભણ્યા છે !
નીતા : ગીતા ! તારા પપ્પા કયાં સુધી ભણેલા છે ? ગીતા : બી. એ. સુધી નીતા : બસ !! ફકત બે અક્ષર સુધી ભણ્યા છે અને તે પણ ઊંધા ?
એક મહાશયે પોતાના મિત્રને પૂછ્યું, ‘દોસ્ત, તારા ઘરમાં કામવાળી તો હતી, તું કેમ કપડાં ધોવા બેઠો છે?’
મિત્રએ જવાબ આપ્યો, ‘એની સાથે જ મેં લગ્ન કર્યા છે.’
………
પત્નીએ લીલા રંગની વેલબુટ્ટાવાળી સાડી પહેરી. પછી પતિને કહ્યું, ‘જરા મારી સામે જુઓ તો, આ સાડીમાં હું કેવી લાગું છું?’
‘અરે વાહ, એવું લાગે છે જાણે કાંટાળા થોરમાં ફૂલ ખીલ્યું હોય.’ પતિએ જવાબ આપ્યો.
………
પત્ની (પતિને) : મેં તમારી સાથે શા માટે લગ્ન કર્યા એ જાણો છો?
પતિ : કેમ?
પત્ની : મારે એ જાણવું હતું કે તમે કેટલા મૂર્ખ છો?
પતિ : એ માટેથી લગ્ન કરવાની શી જરૂર હતી? મેં તારી સમક્ષ લગ્ન કરવાનો પ્રસ્તાવ મૂકયો એ જ મોટો પુરાવો છે.
………
નર્સ : સંતાજી અભિનંદન, તમે પપ્પા બની ગયા
સંતાજી : મારી વાઇફને ન કહેતા. હું તેને સરપ્રાઇઝ આપવા માગું છું.
………
એક સ્ત્રીએ પોતાની બહેનપણીને જાણકારી આપતાં કહ્યું કે ચોથી વખત લગ્ન કરવા જઇ રહી છે.
અભિનંદન. બહેનપણીએ કહ્યું અને પૂછ્યું કે તારા પહેલા પતિનું મૃત્યુ કેવી રીતે થયું હતું?
‘ઝેરી ખોરાક ખાવાના કારણે,’ સ્ત્રીએ કહ્યું.
‘બિચારા’ બહેનપણી બોલી અને બીજા પતિનું?
‘તેનું પણ ઝેરી ખોરાક ખાવાથી,’ સ્ત્રીએ કહ્યું.
‘હે ભગવાન! બીજાનું મૃત્યુ પણ એ રીતે જ થયું? ત્રીજાનું પણ કદાચ…’
‘નહી…નહી…ત્રીજા પતિનું મૃત્યુ તો ડોક મરડાઇ જવાથી થયું.’
‘ડોક મરડાઇ જવાથી?’
‘હા, તેણે ઝેરી ખોરાક ખાવાની ના પાડી હતી.’ સ્ત્રીએ કહ્યું.
શિક્ષક : કનુ, સાંભળ, તારી પાસે પાંચ કેળા છે. તેમાંથી તું બે કેળા ખાઈ ગયો તો તારી પાસે કેટલાં કેળા બચે?
કનુ : પાંચ.
શિક્ષક : પાંચ?
કનુ : બે અંદર (પેટમાં) અને ત્રણ બહાર.
………
ગુજરાતી શિક્ષક કલાસમાં વિધાર્થીઓને બારાખડી શીખવી રહ્યા હતા ત્યારે તેમણે વિધાર્થીઓને પૂછ્યું, ‘અ’ પછી કયા મૂળાક્ષર આવે?
વિધાર્થીઓ (એક સાથે) : સાહેબ, ‘અ’ પછી જ બધાં મૂળાક્ષરો આવે.
………
એક દિવસ શિક્ષકે પૂછ્યું, ‘મોન્ટુ, ધાર કે તું કોઈ મોટર નીચે કચડાઈ જાય તો સહુથી પહેલા શું કરે?’
મોન્ટુએ કહ્યું, ‘તો હું સહુથી પહેલા એ મોટરનો નંબર લખી લઈશ.’
………
શિક્ષક : મીન્ટુ તું સ્કૂલે મોડો કેમ આવ્યો?
મીન્ટુ : સર, ઘરેથી સમયસર નીકળ્યો હતો, પરંતુ રસ્તામાં એક બોર્ડ ઉપર લખેલું હતું કે, ‘મહેરબાની કરીને ધીમા ચાલો.’ તેથી હું ધીમે ચાલવા માંડયો અને મોડું થયું.
………
શિક્ષક : ‘મોઢામાં પાણી આવી જવું’ વાકયપ્રયોગ કરો.
ચંકી : મેં જયારે નળે મોઢું માંડયું ત્યારે મારા મોઢામાં પાણી આવી ગયું.
………
ભિખારી : બહેન, મહેરબાની કરીને એક રૂપિયો આપશો? મેં છેલ્લા ત્રણ દિવસથી કશું ખાધું નથી.
સ્ત્રી : પણ પછી એક રૂપિયાથી તારું શું કલ્યાણ થશે?
ભિખારી : અરે, મારે વજન કરાવીને જોવું છે કે કેટલું ઘટયું છે?
April 26th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
hi,
how can i dwnld all gujarati drama.
June 29th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
How can I download Bhikhudan jock, pls. can u email me.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:06 am
Visit http://manishmistry.com.googlepages.com/manishmistry.htm for the list of All up to date Articles from Gujarat Samachar
August 1st, 2008 at 6:53 pm
i am not getting the audio of dinkar bhai who had done a show in california pls reply me via mail nlo99@rediffmail.com
if any audio is available
August 8th, 2008 at 5:05 am
Hi I Need Dinker Joshi Audio plz You Send Me the this Audio or Send Me The Link Of that plz
thank you
August 9th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
I need jokes by Dinkar Joshi. Can Someone provide me the links.
Thank You
August 15th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
pl help me if any one knows of any library for gujrati books,any where in parla/andheri,or any where in mumbai