By Rupang Bhatt, Satire piece, Ahmedabad

Hi I am Thugvardhan( a fictitious character), a film-maker.

I am champion of tolerance.

I can’t actually tolerate scores of things.

But I am champion of tolerance.

I can’t tolerate Narmada dam.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate Nuclear tests, missile tests.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate projects for hydro power generation, coal power generation, nuclear power generation.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate anti-naxal operations by our security forces.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate Pahlaj Nihlani or Anupam Kher heading Censor board.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate Gajendra as Chairman of film institute.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate Narendra Modi heading the nation.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh and all good works by it.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate the government democratically elected by people of this country.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate crackers in Diwali for pollution, colors in Holi for chemicals, Karwa chowth, other Hindu festivals.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate people taking stand for their love for cows.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate curbs on foreign funding to our NGOs that fail to give account of their spending.

I am against intolerance.

I can’t tolerate shrinking dominance of left-Congress ideology and its representation in parliament and assemblies.

I am against intolerance.

Pankaj Udhas, Anupam Kher and other artists from our land are denied even visa to visit Pakistan repeatedly. We should show tolerance. Pakistani artists, politicians all are welcome to our cities for performance, promotion, earning money. We should show tolerance.

Tigers must be protected, deer, dogs, cats all must be dealt with care, but killing of cows, consumption of beef must not be opposed by Hindus. Doesn’t matter that they traditionally believe cow as their holy animal. We should show tolerance. Pork must not be catered as it is against the belief of our Muslim brothers. Religious sentiments must be respected. We should show tolerance.

You interview me, and I would not fail to speak about Mecca Masjid blast, Samjauta blast, Babri demolition, Gujarat 2002. We should show tolerance. I will always skip Bombay blasts, Ahmedabad blasts, parliament attack, Taj hotel attack, Godhra train attack, Shikh riots of 1984. We should show tolerance.

I am a man for tolerance. I showed tolerance when in 2011 the Congress led government in centre sent the police force of 5000-10,000 in number, lobbed tear gas shells at 2.00 am in Ramlila Maidan in Delhi, lathicharged heavily in protest camp of Baba Ramdev, did not even spare the smallest children. Women and children were dragged and beaten up, one woman Rajbala succumbed to injuries. I simply termed Ramdev’s struggle as political. We should be tolerant.

I am a mahatma for tolerance. I showed tolerance when in 1984 thousands of Sikhs were killed and burnt alive. Last year in one TV discussion when I was questioned about this by Anupam Kher and Ashok Pandit, I discovered a new theory to defend the Congress party. I said Hindutva forces were also responsible for that massacre.

I am a mahapurush of tolerance. When Maniratnam was attacked by Muslims for his film ‘Bombay’ or Vishwaroopam was banned by Tamil Nadu government again due to protest by Muslims, I showed tolerance.

I am living murthy of tolerance. When Dabholkar was killed, Bhandarkar institute was attacked, I showed tolerance. My awards were intact with me. After all Congress government was in power in Maharshtra and centre.

I am a living example of tolerance. When Rashdi’s event in Jaipur Literature Festival was canceled, I showed tolerance. Afterall Congress government was in power in Rajasthan and centre.

I am a saint of tolerance. When Maharashtra’s Congress Chief minister Ashok Chavan changed his schedule to avoid sharing a stage with Amitabh Bachchan at 83rd Marathi literary meet in Pune, just for the reason that Amitabh Bachchan had worked for Gujarat Tourism as brand ambassador under Narendra Modi government, I didn’t consider it as intolerance. I showed tolerance.

I believe in tolerance. When Congress workers attacked the Maharashtra Chief Minister and Congress leader Ashok Chavan for sharing stage with Amitabh Bachchan at the inauguration of the Bandra-Worli sea link in Mumbai just for the reason that Amitabh Bachchan had worked for Gujarat Tourism as brand ambassador under Narendra Modi government,

I didn’t consider it as intolerance. I showed tolerance.

I am God of tolerance. When Mumbai Congress chief Janardan Chandurkar wanted legendary singer Lata Mangeshkar’s stripped of her Bharat Ratna after her public endorsement of Narendra Modi’s candidature for India’s prime ministership, I didn’t consider it as intolerance. I show tolerance.

And forgot that Aditi restaurant incident in Mumbai? Even then Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi tweeted it with this flavor of the season word ‘intolerance’! But I couldn’t find this intolerance worth! Oho, need to say it again that Congress was in power and Congress workers were blamed?

Height of Intolerance! http://t.co/j7q2J6DMKO #AditiRestaurant pic.twitter.com/oszKFyOx3P

— Narendra Modi (@narendramodi) July 23, 2013

You want to test my tolerance? DNA newspaper writes: The Islamic militants forced the closure of the cinema halls in Kashmir valley in 1989. Allah Tigers, now a defunct militant outfit, had embarked on moral policing bandwagon in 1989. Led by self-styled ‘Air Marshal’ Noor Khan, the militants had banned cinema halls and sale and consumption of liquor in 1989 when militancy started in Kashmir. The outfit had even ransacked and looted liquor shops and threatened to set ablaze cinema halls prompting them to shut instantly. In 1999 Farooq Abdullah-led government tried to reopen Regal cinema in Srinagar. But on the inaugural show, militants attacked the cinema with grenades killing one people and injuring 12 others. Earlier two cinema halls –Neelam and Broadway—tried to reopen amid tight security but were not able to attract much of the cine-goers owing to security reasons. As a result Broadway located at Batwara-Indira Nagar, neighboring Army’s 15 Corps headquarters, closed some months later.Neelam Cinema crutched along but finally closed down in 2010. Cine-goers had a narrow escape when militants attacked the hall on September 7, 2005 resulting in the death of two militants and a policeman. The cinemas are even today closed in valley. But even as film maker I or my other like-minded film maker colleagues don’t consider this as an example of intolerance. We show tolerance.

And the chapter of killings of Kashmiri Pandits in valley is very well-known, but don’t you also know how many RSS/BJP workers have been killed in West Bengal and Kerala by our comrade brothers? Recently BJP president Amit Shah had opened an exhibition of photographs and details of those BJP/RSS workers killed by communists in Kerala. But this is not intolerance. We should show tolerance.

Then there are scores of other examples of my tolerance. In an epic case of mistaken identity, Tamil Youth Congress workers in July 2012 ripped Times of India newspapers on the streets, believing that the Times of India Group publications were part of Time magazine. Over 30 Youth Congress supporters threw several torn copies of the newspaper outside the US consulate in Chennai, as part of their protests against the US-based magazine which tagged Prime Minister Manmohan Singh as an “underachiever”. Though I didn’t consider this a case of intolerance. I showed tolerance.

And how can you forget that November 2011 incident which was captured on camera. Congress leaders including MLC Naseeb and others had thrashed Samajwadi Party supporters at the venue of Rahul Gandhi’s rally for showing a black flag in Phulpur. Come on it was not intolerance. We should show tolerance.

OK. It’s enough.

Now when BJP is in power, my yardsticks are changed, and some incidents are making me intolerant.

One gentleman was killed in Uttar Pradesh where very good Samajwadi Party is ruling party, another gentleman was killed in Karnataka where pious and pure Congress is ruling party, and I know that police is state subject, as we had targeted then Chief Minister Narendra Modi only for Gujarat in 2002. But while for Modi in 2002 our intolerance was supreme, for UP and Karnataka govt at present, our tolerance is total and complete.

I know it’s not convincing, but I along with my like-minded left-Congress-foreign funded chaps are adamant to consider that the intolerant is one who is in power in centre. And we can’t show tolerance.

Just before the parliament election in 2014, I along with my some other colleagues in Bollywood had appealed the people of India not to elect him to power. But people elected him. Under his leadership India is progressing like anything, increasing the height of Narmada dam was permitted within a month after he came to power, new power stations are added speedily across the country, railway is improving, economy is up, Naxals are tackled very efficiently by his para military forces, Kashmir has elected him to power, Right ideology is winning hearts, English speaking cultural right intellectuals are growing in number and they effectively make their points, foreign funding has been curbed, government patronage to left-lib ecosystem has been stopped.

Is anything remotely good for India and Hindus tolerable?

Well, there comes this campaign about ‘intolerance’.

And look how powerful is our Eco-system that has been built during all these decades of Nehru-Gandhi dynasty in power. We choose a key-word, and that key-word (‘intolerance’) is everywhere in news, in debate and in discussion.

– DeshGujarat